I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
