how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
