We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
