Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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