he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize