so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
