I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
