I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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