I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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