420 ftw
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
