Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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