She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
