Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
