life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
