Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
