3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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