I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
