the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
