The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
