I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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