dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is wine microwaveable?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
