dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize