If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize