i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
