I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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