toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
