apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This house was built for laser tag.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
