Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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