Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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