So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
