Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
