Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
