it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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