I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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