I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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