Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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