Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
