Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you didnt know i had herpes?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
