Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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