Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
