Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
