I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
