if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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