the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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