You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
