Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
