Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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