And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
