Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
