I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
