i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
