while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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