There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
