you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize