wrigley field is MILF paradise
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
