Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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