people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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