I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
