Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
