Your tits are I can't wait for
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
