i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize