So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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