I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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