Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
