how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
