White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
