fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What a fucking waste of an outfit
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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