All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
