if only i could text you this smell
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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