I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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