I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
