So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
