I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
